Savvy womens Magazine

Love, Dating & Relationship – Got Accountability?

By Leslie Stewart

One of the qualities of being love savvy is Being Accountable.

Accountable is defined in the Webster dictionary as “Responsible; Liable”.

Well, as smart, savvy women, we know that being accountable is a desired, attractive, respected, and necessary quality in life, right? No one likes someone who passes the buck.  It really is so boring and under-impressive, isn’t it?  We are attracted to someone who is conscious, and acknowledges and owns it.

“I’ve got it.” “That is my job.” “I’m sorry I’m late.” It makes us feel taken care of, whether it’s with your guy, your colleague, or a first date.

We LOVE it when men keep themselves accountable to us.  “I’ll call you” - and they do. They know that we truly feel desired when they do what they say they’ll do, and call.  “I’ll pick you up at 6pm” – and they do.  They are on time, with a plan (and a compliment, and flowers...nice). Hallelujah.

“That’s my job” - to kill the bug, carry the bag, stay at home with the baby – whatever you need/want him to do/he owns as his job/and/or the two of you have arranged.

So why do we, savvy ladies, often forget about the Accountability piece when it comes to OURSELVES and this topic of love? Why do we fail to step back and look at love from the perspective of:  How am I showing up to my own ‘date’ with myself: my heart’s desires?  Am I putting my best foot forward – dressing the part, bringing flowers, showing appreciation, and being respectful?  Or am I sending myself a cryptic text message with excuses, running late, and balking at the bill?

Am I consciously moving towards what I want, or am I passing the buck?  We all know how easy it is to make excuses in life.  I made many excuses in love, for a myriad of reasons, although they could all be bottom-lined to Fear.  And not to fool you or myself, I still fall victim to my excuses. It’s part of the human experience. It takes a leap of faith and courage to move towards our dream - to tread in unchartered waters.

I met this sweet, aspiring, and very aware young woman recently who wants to work with me to get clearer within her about what she wants and get support as she moves towards it.  She told me that she’s so tired of the same old things the same way.  “I date all the weirdoes!” she said with a laugh.

I shared with her something that I had once heard from the spiritual author and leader Marianne Williamson, that I thought was so spot-on and helps illustrate this accountability piece when it comes to dating and love.  Marianne said, “The problem isn’t that you attract these guys (the ‘bad’ ones, whichever ‘bad’ they are)…the problem is that you gave them your number!”

Sometimes we don’t get a sense that the ‘bad’ ones are just that, until we have given out our number – or are several dates in – and beyond. And that’s ok.  We are always right where we are supposed to be, even and especially in matters of the heart, in order to learn what we need to learn for our continued growth and evolution.

Just remember that Being Accountable moves you towards your heart’s desires. You are the only person who can be accountable for your dreams.

About the Author:
Leslie Stewart is an expert on love and relationship, and has coached over one hundred people towards realizing their dreams. Integrating over twelve years of corporate work, a degree in Psychology, training at the renowned Coaches Training Institute, and her own self-discovery and life experiences – Leslie has created life-changing programs for women who are looking to reconnect with their authentic selves and create a bridge between their reality and their desires. Visit Leslie at Leslie lives in San Francisco with her great love and husband, Larry, and 5 future dogs.